Dare to be Bored
It's OK to be bored, maybe it's even good.
Phone down. Eyes up. Ears free. Heart open. I entered the retreat space to receive whatever might be there for me hoping to find God in the midst. In our opening reflection, I said, I wanted to make room for God to do something new. What that statement would take is the courage to be bored. Settling into silence is a dance, because I want to be quiet, but I lack the patience to find value in boredom. Every second, every minute, every hour counts inside. I’m no longer certain whether it’s me or society that keeps the score. So, I attempted to be gentle with my frantic mind desiring to finish books at a record pace. After completing my first read, I resolved to be bored for three hours on the first full day of silence. Resisting the urge to walk, jog, practice yoga, read, pray, or journal, I dared to be with me, with God. It was not revelatory. It was a sort of coming home to myself, to know I’m someone without doing anything, I still exist and breathe and perhaps, sometimes that’s enough, perhaps, sometimes, it’s all I need and God wants me to believe that. I am after all, a human being. Without all the fanfare, I am still someone deeply loved and known in every fiber of my being without even saying one word.
Abide in Love: Ignatian Silent Retreat | Bozarth Retreat Center
Quiet the noise and rest from the busyness at a three-day silent retreat. Enjoy time for personal reflection, beautiful grounds and delicious meals. “Abide in Love” is grounded in the Catholic, Christian tradition. This retreat is open to persons from any religious/spiritual background who desire an experience shaped by the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. If you are curious about what this experience will be like or whether this retreat is for you, contact Lauren at hackman-brooks@gonzaga.edu.When the waters of my mind stilled and all the movement and inertia of my energy came to a halt after those three hours of boredom, I started a new book with a new focus, attention and rhythm. I became aware of the Spirit moving me toward praying with Jesus through imaginative prayer in the gospel of Mark the next day, which reinvigorated my prayer and quality time with Jesus.
Lastly, I stumbled upon one of the resource books provided by Mission Engagement on the retreat titled, The Way to Love by Anthony De Mello, S.J. The foreword by another Jesuit said this book would change you and I did not buy that one bit. Then, I devoured every page until 10:30 p.m. as the last one up in Bozarth Mansion. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I felt confronted about the unhealthy attachments I have to people in my life. Because I am overly dependent on them, it is difficult to love them freely. It was a huge realization for me and even in reading the words I felt lighter. So I read the book a second time and I knew I would walk away from the retreat continuing to explore what love truly is and it only made me more drawn to Jesus. I think he was on to something in the way he loved without expecting much in return. As I return to my time on retreat, I recognize the switch that occurred when I endeavored to be bored for three hours and how my prayer and silence was significant afterward and continues to bear fruit in my life.
Peace,
Candace Williams
University Ministry